I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
