This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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