yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You made out with two different species that night
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
