Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize