Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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