i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
