More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
