I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
