you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
