that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
