Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
