How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
