Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
