So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
