heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
