so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
