Will you blow on my dice?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
