I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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