This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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