yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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