exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
