Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
