I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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