I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
