I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
