the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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