I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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