at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
