You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
