My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
