Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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