She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just invented taco cereal.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
