True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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