Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize