drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
