Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
