So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Boobs are out for the taking
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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