i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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