You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
