I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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