I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
