oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
