i don't like sucking hair
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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