If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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