I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
