I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
