Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
