i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
