God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
