he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
