He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
