mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
