we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Semen is not good for contacts.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Pants are for mortals
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