Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Mom said you looked used
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
