My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
