I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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