i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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