I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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