I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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