Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
