you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
