He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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