I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
