He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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