I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
