This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
