one two three fourrrrnication!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You've changed since you got that strap on
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
