Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
