Need sex. Gaining weight.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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