That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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