we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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