apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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