South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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