True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
