Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize