she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
