shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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