He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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