well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
