why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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