Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
