Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
