im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
