My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize