she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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