at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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