is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
