my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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