Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize