either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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