she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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