did you get engaged???
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize