nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
